one month in as an online teacher

If you ask any yoga teacher whether they prefer online or in-person yoga class, most say in-person. 

Most human beings like being together to go good work. They like sharing space, and taking comfort with these kinds of connections.

This makes sense!

That said, there are so many benefits to an online class.

Online classes – whether teaching or participating – remove a lot of barriers to taking, or teaching, a yoga class. Online classes are generally lower overhead – you don’t need to drive anywhere. As s a student you can show up RIGHT when class starts, and (if you needed to) you could also leave early with minimal disruption.

For those who are housebound, or without easy access to travel, those living in rural or remote spaces, those with any form of social anxiety, and those wanting to minimize risk of illness – online live yoga classes are an absolute blessing. 

Each week I teach twice in-person and twice online.

I am still over the moon to be included in Ompractice’s impressive lineup! This teaching gig is a real blessing for me as it allows me to be paid appropriately for my expertise, to get to practice teaching – and to be part of a passionate yoga teaching community.

The Ompractice platform is also just exciting to be a part of! They continue to deepen, develop and improve – it’s very exciting to be involved!

So!

I’m adjusting to the differences of online vs. in-person. (I did teach online FREE GRATIS all year last year, but I had pretty low attendance.)

For instance:

As an online instructor I find myself more preoccupied – more worried – about my teaching performance. In person it’s easy to make small talk, to make eye contact. It’s also a bit easier in-person to sense someone’s feelings. Not that I’m all that great at that, but there is a tactile awareness that transpires between students and teachers, when we share the same room.

Uncharacteristically, at the end of my online class I find myself wanting to ask, “Was that okay? Did you have a good time?” 

I don’t do that – for many reasons!

But I still wonder!

I notice that both online and in-person students are similar in that they are shy about asking for help before, during and after class.

This might just be down to personality. I am a total TEACHER’S PET and NERD, I always have been. When I’m in a class I’m highly-engaged and I want to brain suck (warning, gross scene lol) everything I can out of teachers and fellow students. Now I’ve lived and learned enough to temper this proclivity of mine and to read the room, but honestly this is the kind of student I am!

I am already starting to get some online “regulars”, which feels very special. And just like it’s best not to guess at why someone does or doesn’t return to a class in person – it’s just impossible to figure that out, online. Still, when someone comes for several classes and then doesn’t return, I (of course!) worry it was something I did or didn’t do, that turned them away.

The truth is it’s likely they didn’t return (or haven’t yet) simply because 1. life is busy and/or difficult; and 2. very very few people discipline themselves to regular physical, mental and emotional self-care.

I love the mix I have right now – teaching both in-person and online.

I love being able to bring something wholesome and helpful to the world. I love being part of a platform that makes live yoga classes so easy! I admire all the work that went into Ompractice to help it thrive (and through teacher meetings I’m starting to get a peek behind the curtain).

Wherever you can find live embodied physical classes – whether at a gym, at a studio, online or in a living room – please do support these classes! Support these options with your dollars – and share with your friends, spread word on social media.

We need to make the kind of world we want to see.

Every one who attends my class(es), helps this good work continue.

Thank you – from the bottom of my heart!

Kelly Hogaboom from Little Switch Yoga is now teaching on Ompractice
Read more about the article i am not a “good vibes only” yoga teacher
Kelly Hogaboom of Little Switch Yoga, Grays Harbor Aberdeen, WA

i am not a “good vibes only” yoga teacher

Kelly Hogaboom of Little Switch Yoga, Grays Harbor Aberdeen, WA

I’ve been wading through the Americanized versions of yoga and there’s something that bugs me.

Okay there’s more than one thing.

But here’s a start:

The “good vibes only” yoga messaging is just terrible.

And it really, really is EVERYWHERE.

First of all – the “no negative energy, please” messaging is not based on yoga’s history.

There’s nothing in the 5,000 year old practices of yoga emphasizing “good vibes only” enough to where you’d sloganize it on a t-shirt.

The Eight Limbs of Yoga start us with the Yamas and Niyamas – that is, spiritual practices and personal observances respectively.

These are as follows:

The Yamas
Ahimsa (non-violence)
Satya (truthfulness)
Asteya (non-stealing)
Brahmacharya (moderation of the senses/our energy), and
Aparigraha (non-greed) – 

The yamas teach us how to behave in an ethical framing – how to conduct ourselves in the world.

The Niyamas
Saucha (cleanliness or purity)
Santosa (contentment)
Tapas (discipline)
Svadhyaya (self-study)
Ishvara Pranidhana (surrender to the Higher Self)

The niyamas invite us to find joy and strength in our personal practices – our inner disciplines.

So right away we have our first two limbs of yoga and TEN practices we can study –

and there’s no mention of or tone implying “good vibes only”.

If anything, the yamas and niyamas indicate disciplines and practices to employ – regardless of whether we’re feeling groovy about it or not.

So to be honest I am not sure where all the “good vibes only” came form, but I’ll tell you one thing:

Your bad vibes are welcome in your practice.

Your bad vibes are welcome in my studio space!

I don’t want you to avoid class – or practice at home – because you’re in a “bad vibes’ place, and can’t snap out of it.

I want you to practice regularly and learn to let your “bad vibes” show up too – maybe you can start to (gasp!) make friends with those bad vibes!

The thing is…

If we only practice yoga when we feel good, then we’re going to skip a lot of practice.

And if we only practice yoga to instantly get some kind of result – we’ll give up when we don’t get what we want.

If we only practice yoga to change how our body looks or what impressive bendy shapes we can make – we’ll give up there, too, when progress doesn’t happen the way we want to, or as fast as we want to.

If we only practice yoga to lose weight or get those toned abs – 

we are not only being a fair-weather friend to yoga,

we are being a fair-weather friend to ourselves.

I invite you to be a best friend to yourself.

It’s a really smart investment, relationship-wise!

let’s get real about meditation

Mediation is beneficial; this is know, studied, and obvious through thousands of years of scientific study as well as even more compelling anecdotal and empirical evidence.

We know it’s good for us.

It’s also FREE – it costs nothing.

Then why don’t we do it?

***

The vast majority of people who find this post, will not be meditating daily, or even regularly.

I am not here to shame anyone about that.

I’m not even here to convince anyone that they *should* meditate.

That’s kind of beside the point, for me.

But I want to offer a few thoughts, and share some of my experience.

First: meditation is not (usually) an instant gratification activity.

In other words meditation rarely gives us a high. In contrast, we get an immediate boost from a cup of coffee or an impulsive shoe purchase (two delights I experienced this week) – that kind of thing.

Now – some people DO experience bliss in meditation –

However, that is rather rare.

And I’ve not met a regular practitioner who experiences bliss *EVERY time they meditate*.

(and yet they keep at it!)

So for me, this means we might decide to meditate – and commit to practice – knowing we likely won’t receive immediate benefits.

And despite the fact we engage in all kinds of “good habits” just because we know they’re good for us  –

(for instance very few people absolutely LOVE brushing their teeth but most of us do it regularly as the alternative is much worse) –

for some reason people don’t want to invest five minutes a day in something that could improve their BRAIN.

(I don’t know about you, but my brain needs all the help it can get!)

***

I want to point out that for many years, I was no exception. I crumpled up “meditation” on a list of things I “should” do, good habits I “should” employ – like saving 10% of my paycheck, or staying hydrated –

and I just let those “shoulds” beat me up.

Rather than doing anything about it!

So here is my second point:

Almost all forms of meditation are training the mind.

We KNOW that brains can be trained. We train our brains every day – either on purpose or,  for the most part, fairly unconsciously through the things we choose to put into our brains.

In fact we put in a LOT of brain-training time.

It follows that:

Any wholesome training of the mind, will result in improvements in our life.

In fact, that should be obvious.

In other words: we don’t have to know HOW our minds and our lives will improve –

we just get to TRUST that they will, and look forward to observing the change.

Actually, it’s a pretty cool process.

***

Personally, I don’t think we’re being lazy about any of this.

If you think about how hard life can be, our behavior makes sense.

For most of us our minds work well enough that we don’t give them much focused attention.

Our minds work pretty well or IF THEY DON’T, we’ve found a way to get through our day, to survive.

Well I don’t know about you, but I want more than survival.

I’ve been in survival mode and I didn’t like the kind of person I became.

I want to thrive, and I want to be able to help others to safety, to wholeness, to joy and healing.

So!

I’ve put a lot of effort into improving my health, my behavior, my life and the life of my community.

And in that effort – and in doing that research – I came to see that a committed meditation practice was missing.

So I added a meditation practice.

I am very clever so – I found two weekly groups to commit to (one in person at no cost, and one online for monthly dana), and I downloaded a free app for seven days a week solo practice.

I put meditation in my daily task list – so that I get to check it off at the end of the day.

(This feels quite satisfying!)

And this practice is starting to feel very good – and I’m experiencing benefits.

It’s starting to really take hold.

I’m glad I gave myself the chance to see it through.

***

So!

Once again: I’m not here to tell you to meditate.

But I will share that it’s made a huge difference in my life – in my relationships, in my physical health, but most importantly:

in the quality of my mind.

I hope you consider making a consistent practice of meditation – even five minutes, uninterrupted, per day.

Don’t let anyone talk you out of it!

(Even if it’s YOU trying to talk yourself out of it!)

Why not give yourself a chance?

You’ll never know how much your mind – and your life – can improve, unless you commit to the experience.

I look forward to hearing about your results!

why I don’t say “namaste” at the end of class

I don’t say “namaste” at the close of class. 

This is a deliberate choice on my part, and here are some reasons why:

1. Many South Asians object to this, or at the very least find it annoying; because:

2. “Namaste” doesn’t mean what many white American yoga teachers say it means: “The Light Within Me Honors The Light Within You“. It actually means something more like, “greetings to you”, or even “‘sup?”

3. “Namaste” has been over-commercialized and, frankly, bastardized. You may have noticed all the t-shirts and yoga bags out there – MANUFACTURED IN THE GLOBAL SOUTH IN SWEATSHOPS, MIND YOU – cultivating a “spiritual gangster” or a groovy “yoga chic” message. That is not for me.

4. If I’m going to teach yoga, all eight limbs of yoga, and lead my students through this learning journey then I think we owe it to the practice to deepen our understanding wherever we can.

I don’t say “namaste” at the close of class.

I do say “Om Namah Shivaya” and I invite you to join me!

But you can say anything you like at the end of class – for instance, you could simply say “thank you!” – or you can refrain from speaking and bowing.

Please do what feels comfortable.

Remember, I am here to provide space, safety, nurture and care!

(and of course, share some of my yoga education!)

Thank you for listening!

seven things i love my students to do

Yoga asana class is hard. 

As a student you’re meant to listen to and watch the instructor, to work with the breath (pranayama), to follow the instructor’s verbal and physical cues, to work on your alignment – all at the same time!

So!

When someone comes back to class at all – I count that as a huge victory!

Therefore if you’ve made time for yoga this year – give yourself massive props!

And if you want to go above and beyond, I’ve got a list of seven things I love from my students:

I love it when they challenge themselves.

I have definitely seen students taking half-hearted or lukewarm positioning on the mat. There are a lot of possible reasons for this. Some students lack proprioception – they honestly don’t KNOW what it means to take a large step on the mat, for instance. Some students are scared to over-exert themselves. Still others don’t really, REALLY want to be there.

Now I would rather a student was cautious, than to push themselves too hard!

But also… I mean, we signed up. We paid the fee. We got dressed. We got our butts to the studio.

So let’s do some WORK!

When I look out at my students and see sweat, and a bit of trembling, and focused expressions – that feels awesome.

I am literally WATCHING them get stronger, and watching them build  more self-confidence.

It’s cool beans!

I delight when my students breathe deeply!

A lot of students hold their breath or don’t focus on their breath, because they’re busy trying to follow the pace of the class. That makes sense! I sometimes lose conscious contact with my breath when I’m a student, too.

But when students breathe deeply, I can usually hear them and it feels so good!

It really, really helps regulate the entire class as well!

There are certainly apocryphal tales of yoga students who breathe WAY too loud or ostentatiously. But honestly? In my many years of class, I haven’t come across much of that.

So when I hear students breathing deeply, I feel confident they are focusing – and getting a benefit. After all – breath work is PROVEN to help with stress.

And I definitely want all of us to experience less stress!

I appreciate it when students interrupt and/or ask questions!

This statement I deliver with a caveat as there are definitely teachers and spaces and classes and scenarios interruption is NOT a good idea.

But for my general group classes – which are for any level and any body! – we are experiencing a community vibe. And honestly, an interruption and a question is really for the best.

Yes, it can take us out of the moment to hear a voice besides the teacher’s. But almost always if ONE student has a question, the others will benefit from having the question raised. I take students’ questions seriously and I always try to respond with gladness and helpfulness. If I can’t deliver a great response in class, I am sure to do more research in the next week so I can improve my skillset.

I love it when my students grunt and/or laugh!

There is NOTHING that makes it more obvious that people are engaged, as when I hear grunts of effort or laughter! In fact last week I was upside down in a pose and couldn’t see my students, but I could hear them and everyone was laughing (because the pose was difficult for us all)!

This is a peak yoga moment as a teacher, because it means we are all efforting together. 

I honestly believe that kind of group effort is so, so rewarding!

I enjoy when students make asana requests.

There are thousands of asana and variations – there are also the Patanjali sutras, the eight limbs of yoga, the yamas and niyamas, the chakras – there is so, so much we teachers can study and draw from when we prepare a class. 

But you know what? Sometimes we really want to be of SERVICE. We want a student to come to us with a need!

So when a student comes to me with a particular pose – or say, a specialty or request – this often is a wonderful spark to help me develop a meaningful class!

I want my students to form a relationship with YOGA – not just with me. When a student ask for a focus, an asana, or an accommodation I start to think that particular student might be bold enough to use yoga for self-nourishment – not just another workout.

I am absolutely delighted when my students greet the new person – and orients them to the class culture.

If you’ve been to my classes you know that we are already a community. We have a culture, and we are beginning to know one another.  We’re sharing a lot of warmth and laughter!

Sometimes in a community we get excited to see one another, so we want to chat in a personal way either before or after class. And I get that!

But I love to see my students greeting the new person, and gently making extra space for them – rather than lapsing into familiar talk with the others.

Because remember: it can be intimidating to be the new guy!

So when my students welcome the newcomer, I feel so much gladness for all of us.

I am *thrilled* when my students go to ANY length to enjoy their practice.

I have a theory I’ve never seen any other yoga teacher champion – that the ONLY way we’ll keep doing yoga, is if we enjoy it.

Enjoying yoga means thinking outside the box.

How can we learn to enjoy our time on the mat? Maybe if we pay for a series, that will keep us from giving up. Or perhaps we need to purchase a special yoga mat – or some really yummy, soft clothing for practice. Maybe we need to clear a room in our house – clear it of everything but our mat, and a little shrine. Or perhaps we can make an accountability date with a friend. Maybe we need to give ourselves a five-minute guided meditation at night – and then write an affirmation in our journal.

I say: do whatever it takes to enjoy your yoga practice. Because I know a strong, sustaining practice will develop from that joy. I know it – because I’ve lived it!

***

Thank you for reading – and thank you for coming to class.

It is my honor and joy to build this community with you!

yoga didn’t heal my body image, but teaching yoga did

Goddess pose, Little Switch Yoga Aberdeen Washington

I didn’t want to write a post about my body image – ever, really! – but here we are.

My terms of reluctance are legion: first, the cultural conversation seems over-saturated, often surface-level, full of the same platitudes and (increasingly) commercialized languaging.

Secondly, as a white American voices like mine are over-represented in health and wellness spaces. Why should I add my thoughts? Who would be interested in hearing them, anyway?

But it goes deeper than that.

I’m tired of the body image conversation. 

A conversation I haven’t even dipped my toe in!

I’m tired.

Let’s be real: I’m exhausted from watching the Diet and Wellness Industrial Complex shoehorn the sacred constructs of self-care and self-love into programs selling weight-loss subscriptions, quack remedies, diet programs and foodstuffs, and flat tummy teas.

In fact the other day Facebook so kindly showed me a fat loss ad using the phraseology: “I’ve learned my inability to release weight is a trauma response.”

Reader, that headline alone made me feel D-O-N-E.

Nothing more disgusting than telling a trauma victim it’s their own fault they can’t be smaller.

***

But here’s the thing.

Under Capitalism – and its little red rover buddies White Supremacy and the Patriarchy – all our bodies are under assault, being sold and sold to, up for grabs. All human and non-human animals are served up, sliced and diced (for billions, literally), commodified in every way and marketed to relentlessly.

Now: I didn’t set that up.

But I have to survive it.

And so do you!

And just because I’m Tired –

Doesn’t mean I have nothing of value to add.

I deserve to have my say, in the chance maybe – just maybe – I could help someone reading here.

Because I know my interests and my goals are far more wholesome than those of Capitalism.

***

Some day I’ll tell my story of what I am up against.

What it was like growing up in my maternal family lineage – surrounded by the women who sang duets and trios with one another about how they needed to lose weight, or how they were “bad” for eating that cheesecake, or how their asses were too fat and their features too unlovely –

and the men who encouraged these women to care about this stuff. The men (including my beloved Grandfather) who wanted these women to make themselves smaller, the men who took pains to compliment women when they shrank (physically or socially).

Some day I’ll tell my story what it was like growing up, crammed into the wrong gender. Because if you think you know how it feels to have your body shape and size policed, growing up trans is a whole ‘nother Level. My whole childhood it was “girls” or “boys” and which one was I, har har. I was complimented for any “femininity” of figure and form – I was never given space for my own gender autonomy. “Look at you here,” my mother says to me, jabbing a finger at a photo of me on the dock, at the lake. I’m thirteen, here. “You’ve a wasp waist,” she flushes, beaming with pride.

No, I didn’t.

I did not, and have never, had a wasp waist.

Nor did I want or need one.

This was my mother’s jam: she wanted to eat up my mind, my body to serve her own dreams.

I grew up in this battlefield, to say nothing of the larger culture in which I was indoctrinated.

It wasn’t healthy – to put it mildly.

***

I’ve practiced yoga twenty one years.

And practicing yoga didn’t change my mind about my body very much.

I didn’t suddenly start experiencing an empowered nonbinary state. I didn’t lose weight – or any of those weight loss-attendant dreams so many chase! I didn’t achieve that body, those accomplishments that had been sold to me my whole life.

None of that happened.

Now yoga didn’t change my MIND about my body –

but it certainly changed my body itself!

Because it’s impossible to practice yoga regularly and properly (properly: don’t push yourself and listen to your body!) without change.

When you practice, you get stronger.

And so did I.

So in those early years I was creaky. I felt a pain behind my knee when I’d practice trikonasana, shortness of breath when I held ananda balasana. I couldn’t hold myself up in a plank for more than a few breath cycles – trembling and (silently) cursing the teacher! And headstand, handstand? No way!

That pain is long gone. That body is stronger, more flexible, more mobile.

I really do feel better!

I can do things today (at forty-six) I couldn’t even do as a child.

And it wasn’t just my body that began to change.

I also began to experience more peace of mind, more honest endorphins, an hour at least of less self-absorption, less anxiety, less obsession.

I’ve always felt better after getting off the mat. Always!

***

Oddly though, my changing body and mind didn’t make me love my body more.

I still felt the same – really, as I had all my life.

And while I’d rejected the more harmful familial and cultural narratives – I still hadn’t formed my own.

Until.

***

Teaching gave me a breakthrough.

Now listen: teaching yoga is an impressive skillset. And while I’m pretty new, I take it seriously.

First, I had to acquire (and continue to deepen) a yoga education – we’re talking about studying a multitude of traditions 5,000 years old!

Second, I had to learn how to actually practice asana – as well as the other seven limbs of yoga: the yamas, niyamas, pranayama, pratyahara, dharana, dhyana, and samadhi – and begin to transmit this knowledge to students.

Then I had to get in front of a class and demonstrate how to move through practice. I have to run physical practice and provide verbal cues all while watching my students and adjusting my teaching style and aims depending on what I observe.

I’ve gotta deal with the practical aspects of running a business. Even though I’m not yet making a wage – I still have to show up as a professional (and that’s fair)!

Now: there are plenty of yoga teachers who get to a degree of competency here, and can end up on autopilot pretty fast.

But if you know me, you know I’ve never been on autopilot a moment of my life!

***

In my first few weeks of teaching regularly, I had the benefit of a huge studio mirror in the space we worked.

I had the privilege of seeing my body – clear as day! – in a multitude of asana, contortions, silly little sweaty shapes.

I got to see my body how it really is, and WHILE my body was being observed by others.

We’re talking: trembling limbs, shaky voice (at times), saying “left” when I meant “right”. We’re talking having my physical form on display for an hour straight to a room of people – sometimes, complete strangers!

I lost the anonymity of the mat – because all eyes were now on me!

And it didn’t take long for what remained of my reservations about my body, to burn right out of my body.

In a deep revolved lunge, to see my t-shirt cling to every fat roll on my back and to my sweaty face in the mirror and – to be forced to see it, and to know everyone else was looking too.

But –

Honestly, it was only a little bit jarring at first. 

In fact I felt a great friendliness with myself, in a way I hadn’t ever before!

I had work to do, after all. And I was doing it!

Because just like my students look beautiful when they’re exerting Right Effort in asana –

So do I!

Because Right Effort is beautiful.

Always.

And Right Effort almost never, ever looks like the heavily-doctored, artfully posed moments in a glossy yoga magazine or brochure.

Since I see yoga as beautiful, I see myself in practice – not my idea or imaginings of self, but my actual Self – as beautiful.

And since I see myself that way on the regular now,

I’ve changed.

The way I feel about myself, has changed.

***

Listen, I’m as surprised as anyone that this developed out of teaching.

Like I said: I practiced two decades without my body image budging an inch.

So I’d long ago given up the idea I could really change it.

But: it changed.

And it continues to change!

I love teaching. So much!

The practice is also neither a competition, or a series of pretty shapes to make or strain towards.

The Practice is there for us every minute of every day. 

If you can breathe, you can do yoga!

And I sincerely hope to get more people to see it the way I do.

They might be surprised to discover how they see themselves, over time.

five impressive yoga statistics

Why don’t we take stress seriously?

We know stress literally kills. We KNOW it takes a toll. And yet we keep magically hoping for a fix – or maybe, a pill.

Stress statistics:

Instead of allowing ourselves to be the victim of these forces – maybe it’s time we did something about it.

We are not helpless!

I’ll see you on the mat!

my yoga story (so far)

I am currently reading The Yamas & Niyamas: Exploring Yoga’s Ethical Practice by Deborah Adele. In one chapter the author discusses the different times of our lives, and the different values that serve us during these stages. She exhorts us to perform some kind of ritual marking the passage of one stage of life into the next: so we can step into our new purpose and leave our emotional and thought baggage of the past behind.

She also talks about how important it is to honor the lessons we’ve learned – as they brought us to where we are today.

This is her wonderful, diplomatic way of saying:

Yeah there were some big messes back there, but painful as they were – you learned something, right?

***

My yoga story is rather mundane. Yoga didn’t change my life in some ground-shifting way; but it has been my constant companion through career changes, many moves, through difficulty (and reconciliation) within my marriage, through having children – and through addiction then, sobriety.

I guess that DOES sound rather dramatic when I write that all out like that!

***

I was not brought up in any kind of spiritual tradition, any kind of ethical practice. My father was an atheist-agnostic who deeply appreciated Buddhist thought; therefore the only “spiritual” books in my home were Buddhist ones.

(To the family’s surprise) my mother converted to Christianity when I was seventeen. This didn’t make much of an impact on me to be honest because by then of course, I had begun to carry my own ideas of right and wrong, of ethical conduct, of divinity versus impiety.

It seems an absolutely lifetime between the time I left my family home at age eighteen (1995) and when I first set foot in a yoga class – around 2002, I think. In those seven short years I’d lived through many harrowing “adventures” and I’d arrived to the greatest adventure of my life (so far): partnership, and children.

By the time I stepped on the mat for the first time I knew I wanted something grounding, something to practice on my path. I’d had enough of the things we worship as Americans – beauty, sex, power, intoxication and titilation – and I knew material possessions didn’t bring happiness. 

There had to be more!

This was where I was, when I set foot on my first yoga mat. A new parent, a new life. Ready to grow!

And of course way back in 2002 – well like many Americans introduced to yoga, I didn’t realize there was a philosophical and spiritual path involved. I thought it was another workout, a new style of fitness to try. I vaguely knew – or thought I knew – that a good deal of strength and flexibility was involved.

But even in that first class – the none-too-clean basement of a gym in Port Townsend – I could tell yoga was something special.

For one thing, it felt good! Sweaty, challenging – but wonderful.

My body felt better, lighter, more energized and open when I left.

For another thing, it was so delightfully simple! I was amazed that just by using one’s own body – no equipment, no mathematical weightlifting metrics, no steroids or enhancers – that just by being there with myself I could get stronger, more whole – I could go deeper!

I left that first session floating on cloud nine.

I wanted more!

***

But the next yoga class I remember going to, wasn’t so great.

I somehow found my way to an advanced Kundalini yoga class. In an upstairs room  downtown I took my place next to our instructor, and two other students. One of the students was obviously very advanced, very practiced – just like the teacher. The two of them sped through very strenuous, difficult poses without offering assistance or modification. Myself and the other student – also a beginner – well, we huffed and puffed and sweated and (internally at least) cursed.

I felt sweaty, inelegant, flabby – ashamed. I left with my spirits low.

You see: that was my first lesson in unskillful teachers.

Teachers who don’t know how to watch their students. Teachers who can’t (or won’t) tactfully offer alternatives, variations, and modifications.

Teachers who didn’t know how to read the room!

But as bad as that experience was I kept going back – to any class I could find, any class I could afford.

I couldn’t stay away!

***

Eventually I began to learn yoga was not an exercise fad or craze – that it was a 5,000 year old way of life imbued with many many schools of learning, many texts and books, many teachers.

Yoga isn’t about “self-improvement” or gain – it is a dance deeper into a better way of living. Into more integrity, love, joy – and humor!

(People don’t talk about the humor in yoga enough, I find!)

At first I thought I had to learn everything – or at least learn enough yoga to impress anyone who wanted to query me.

Eventually I came to realize I could never learn it all, so the best thing was just to start learning what I could.

***

I have obviously been to terrible yoga classes over the last twenty-one years. I’ve been to the worst kind of “workout” style classes, with teachers who were used shaming language or infused orthorexia and fitness culture into our every move. I’ve been in classes with incompetent or cruel teachers, teachers who perform adjustments without consent, teachers who say things that leave students in tears.

But what’s wild is that even through the worst class I always found some benefit.

That’s how I know I love yoga and I’ll never stop.

Thanks to yoga I am physically stronger now than ever (if you come to a class, you’ll see)! Obviously, this feels wonderful- and energizing!

But yoga asana (that is: the physical practice of the Eight Limbs of Yoga) isn’t a destination, or a competition.

It really is a practice.

That is: something that we do regularly.

And (as I keep reminding us here) yoga is more than asana, more than a physical practice. For instance: you are generally supposed to practice the yamas and niyamas – that is, ten of yoga’s ethical guidelines laid out in the first two limbs of Patanjali’s eightfold path – before you focus on asana (the third limb).

Most Americans just bust right into asana – looking to reduce their flabby tummies, or tone their bum, or whatever.

So if that’s how you got here, that’s fine! 

And in my class, you will definitely get stronger.

But!

What I want to deliver to you is a pure joy – joy in being on the mat, in learning how to make contact with ourselves.

Through physical practice we become more connected with who we are, and who we want to be.

We become more confident that what we do, that who we are, can make a difference in our community and in our world.

So from my many years ago in that grubby gym basement –

I have come a long way.

I look forward to joining you on the mat!

***
Notes:

Here is a link to The Yamas & Nijamas: Exploring Yoga’s Ethical Practice book site; this is not an affiliate link.

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