Read more about the article “i won’t be as fit/strong/capable as others in class.”

“i won’t be as fit/strong/capable as others in class.”

Most yoga asana students compare themselves to others.It's okay, we all (most of us) do it!And I don't think we should judge ourselves at all, for comparing. This is a natural thing for humans to do. Comparison is part of how our brain works. We are social creatures!However, this tendency to compare and contrast can get dark fast. We end up with a strong or subtle experience of inferiority or superiority - and neither creates an emotionally healthy human being.There are a couple ways we can handle this.

why weight loss compliments are harmful

A little while back one of my yoga students said to me, "Agni you're really getting skinny! You can really see the changes yoga has made for your body."   I am not going to address the content of that comment (because I don't have to) but I want to say this:   Voicing observations on people's body size and weight is inappropriate and almost always causes harm.   Please refrain from doing it. Full stop.   I am not saying you are a bad person if you've done this in the past, but I am still asking you to stop.   Now, I do understand that for many, complimenting weight loss seems like a good thing. In fact we've been culturally indoctrinated to believe weight loss is always a positive change, and that a weight loss compliment is kind of an ultimate compliment.   In the internet age especially, by pursuing weight loss **and posting about it**, one is sure to receive praise and social validation.   So if up until this time you've thought it was a harmless or even empowering thing - to compliment weight loss - you're not a bad person. It's literally how you were raised (culturally and probably within your family as well) and it's behavior that is still all-too common.   I get it.   And I have personal experience!   I grew up in a family of women who were always dieting (whatever name they called it) and men who made sure to praise thin women and carefully compliment women who "kept their figure". With one exception (my father), I never saw anyone in my family meaningfully speak out against fatphobia.   I'm so glad my father (a tall, thin cisgender white man) spoke out against this sort of thing because sometimes I think without his example, I would have fallen prey to diet culture in a catastrophic way.   Let that be a lesson to you:    When you resist fatphobia and diet culture, you could very well be throwing someone a lifeline!   ***   But back to the issue at hand:   Complimenting weight loss is reductive, shallow, and harmful to fat people or anyone else struggling with body image (which is like... a LOT of people).   If you truly care for the health and wellbeing of all - you'll learn to give different compliments.   Here are some things you can say instead, just off the top of my head:   "It's so good to see you!"   "You light up a room!"   "Can I just say - this is my favorite yoga class and I'm so glad to be here!"   "How are you?" (Then - really listen to the response)   "You are ICONIC."   "You always make me laugh."   "You have the most beautiful spirit! I want to be just like you when I grow up!"   "I learn so much from you!"   "I love your authenticity."   "You are such…

ten reasons I hate flow (and why i’m teaching it anyway)

Yoga flow is so popular it might be THE most popular type of yoga class in America.However, I have my quibbles - which I'll share here!First: what is yoga flow?Yoga "flow" isn't very concretely or explicitly described in the mish-mash, hugley historied, highly varied body of yoga practice. But in general, most "flow" in yoga parlance means moving relatively fluidly from one asana (pose) to the next. This can be done slowly and in low-intensity poses or a class so vigorous and strenuous the practice begins to look like gymnastics. And of course - anything in between.In America, yoga "flow" is often associated with vigorous, sweaty, aerobic movements. It tends toward aerobics. There can be a very fitnessy tone to all of this - some classes pump up the volume with 120 bps pop hits and lots of "push yourselves!" languaging from instructors. That kind of thing.Here's why I've hated flow - and then I'll tell you why I've ended up offering it anyway:One: yoga flow isn't accessible.I dislike the broad-stroke use of "accessible" these days but, the point applies here.So let's take students who want a very swift moving, sweaty class where they get up and get down and all that. Your average flow student.Well, those activities are prohibitive to many, many practitioners.You could INVITE anyone at all to such a class and tell them to rest when they need to - but they are likely going to feel left out, frustrated, or even embarassed.I know what you're thinking: "Oh, just design an accessible flow." But no - you can't just slap the word "accessible" on a class and make it so.A sweaty, fast, athletic flow and a truly accessible class - where everyone has the time, care, and attention to succeed in each asana - are just diametrically opposed. End of story.Two: flow sacrifices alignment.This is deeper and more subtle than you might thinking. Let's take pristhasana - lizard pose. In lizard pose we come into a deep lunge with our hands on the inside of the forward leg. Back leg can either be lifted, or knee-down.In lizard many people think the goal is to get their forearms to the ground. So this means they will let the knee travel well past the foot to get that front thigh and hip lower, or they'll let the forward leg fall open for the same effect.Some teachers would call that "cheating" the pose but I think that's a crummy thing to say.It isn't that it's "wrong" to let the knee travel, or to let the hip open so you can get foreamrs closer to teh ground. It's just a really different benefit and strength exercise than if you're setting up pristhasana in a more traditional way. Keeping the knee in alignment and welding the front shin to the front arm is very hard work - but it's beautiful work for the thighs and pelvic floor.In a slower class, there are opportunities to gently remind students of these possible elements. In…

fitspo has gotta go. here’s why:

Toxic fitness culture or “fitspo”, contrary to popular belief, doesn’t inspire us to do better, be better, or even to take care of ourselves.It instead invites us into harmful hierarchies.Fitspo encourages us to constantly measure ourselves against the “ideal” - thin, athletic (or strong), white (or aligned with Whiteness), young, able-bodied, depoliticized - and affluent or wealth-adjacent.Fitspo can be seductive, because who doesn't want to be part of the in-crowd? This is all the true if you’re in one or more of the classes invited into the (temporary) rewards - if you’re young, thin, athletic/strong, wealth-adjacent, etc. If you fit into the fitspo metric at any time of your life, it's hard to voluntarily relinquish it's hold.Fitspo does more harm than can be summed up in a blog post. One of the worst things fitspo does, is encourage us to purchase experiences rather than commit to constructive personal and communal health practices. We become self-absorbed by our own bodies, our own abilities, our CrossFit identity - what-have-you. We lose sight that we are interconnected. We stop looking around the room to ask - Who isn't here, and why? Who is not feeling welcome - and why?Fitspo is one reason people and other marginalized individuals stay away from gyms and exercise classes - whether they want to attend or not, they feel distinctly unwelcome. And why wouldn’t they? They’ve been told their whole lives they are less-than, lacking - or even disgusting.This has to change.More harmful still, fitspo is the reason that even if people allow themselves a movement or physical practice - they strain, push themselves, and try to “get the most out of it”.That striving becomes habituated and soon people come to loathe physical exercise.***I once saw an influencer ask, “Would you be so excited about ‘clean eating’ and your workouts if you weren’t allowed to publicly post about them?”Because fitspo is not just hierarchal - it is performative.That is some weak shit. It will let you down.Fitspo is everywhere around us - and enforced by white supremacy and capitalism - but it’s also astonishingly easy to dismantle.You can invest in something a lot deeper. Over time, fitspo becomes more and more irrelevant in your day-to-day. You are then far more likely to take even better care of your mind, your body – and start doing deeper work in your community.Each of us has the power - and the responsibility - to overthrow fitspo. You can start small, if it’s too scary to start big!It's a wonderful upgrade!I believe in you.***More: "fitspo: what is it, and why does it matter?" (also note the tag "yoga" yields almost all physical/asana work - no mention of ethics, social observances, pranayama, philosophy, or history. But those are topics for another day!)Who is welcome, in the fitspo world?Youthful, slim, athletic (strong), racially and socioeconomically statused individuals are seen as more worthy and more desirable than their counterparts.Fitspo ties in with our race, our age, our body shape and size, our socioeconomic class. You…

fitspo: what is it, and why does it matter?

This month I'm going to be writing about toxic fitness culture - what I call fitspo. It's important, and hopefully by the end of the post you'll agree with me.What is fitspo?The moniker "fitspo" comes from the instagram tag for "fitness inspiration". Another interchangeable phrase: toxic fitness culture."Fitness" and even "wellness" in America generally means:slimable-bodied (or "inspirationally" disabled)youthfulathletic/strongwhite and/or light-skinneda "positive mindset"affluent or giving the appearance of wealth and easeA simple "yoga" tag search for on Instagram, currently our largest social media platform, is illuminating (notice - even the illustrations are skinny!): (also note the tag "yoga" yields almost all physical/asana work - no mention of ethics, social observances, pranayama, philosophy, or history. But those are topics for another day!)Who is welcome, in the fitspo world?Youthful, slim, athletic (strong), racially and socioeconomically statused individuals are seen as more worthy and more desirable than their counterparts.Fitspo ties in with our race, our age, our body shape and size, our socioeconomic class. You can't really separate fitspo from patriarchal and white supremacist constructs.But perhaps more than anything else, fitspo incorporates and supports ableism.What is ableism?Ableism places "well" bodies, "healthy" bodies, and able-bodied individuals as morally, ethically, and pedagogically superior to sick, unhealthy, or disabled individuals.I don't need to be a disabilities scholar to spell this one out.We all know ableism is real, if we are honest.If we haven't felt ableism's sting - well, that is probably because we've been operating from our own little bubble. If we haven't been excluded or maligned, that's because we fit in, in some way or other.For instance I'm white; most fitness influencers you see out there, certainly the ones who get acclaim and book deals et cetera - most of them are white. So my entire life, I've been in the "in crowd" - at least with regards to race - in the fitness and fitspo world.I am also able-bodied (at this time in my life) - so again, experiences like mine are spotlighted and held up as the "norm".In other ways, I don't fit in so much. I'm old (at least according to the fitness world) and I'm fat, so in that sense I'm definitely sidelined. (I happen to currently be very strong and bendy - but most people don't expect that, just by looking at me). I'm nonbinary, and boy oh boy are we excluded from discourse - everywhere!It should go without saying: we shouldn't have to be young, fit, thin - any of those things - to be included, welcomed, and supported in the physical movements space.Aren't you making a big deal of nothing? Isn't it a good thing, to want to be in shape?Sure! Kinda.There is nothing wrong with working to be stronger, more mobile, and have more energy reserves. There is nothing inherently wrong with a workout!In fact for the vast majority of human bodies, movement practice is recommended. But be careful.Fitspo can still sidetrack you - even if you have the best of intentions!Because remember: fitspo is above all about hierarchy, and…

“I’m too old / fat / out of shape for yoga”

This last week - for the first time in my life - my feet lifted off the floor in the very tricky arm balance bakasana (or crow pose).I am almost half a century old and a couple weeks ago - for the first time in my life! - I conquered that fear of falling on my face, and I had patiently gained the strength and core integrity to balance on my hands.This is more impressive than you might realize!It is a lot harder as an adult to learn new physical skills or feats of strength - than it is to return to habits of childhood!I didn't grow up with any gymnastics, calisthenics, or attendant practice. When you see me doing what I can do - I had to earn that in adulthood, after decades of life, after giving birth to two children, and while living as a working class artist (meaning: life is hard!)The hanumanasana (front splits) you see me chilling into, in class - well you are seeing me do something I've never done before.I had to get there with these weathered bones and aged muscles! LOLAnother thing:You also might have noticed I am fat. It's true!And -It has to be said I don't dress like a "yoga teacher". I am not in fashionable leggings and a cute sports top. Half the time my hair gets in the way as we flow and I'm always trying to tie and push it back.It's not that I don't take pride in how I dress, it's that I have had to carefully allocate yoga funds to building the space. I've put retained yoga earnings into shelving, rent, security deposit, insurance, licensure etc etc. And that's okay - because I made these priorities with intention.Here's what I mean, though:It's true I don't look like a yoga teacher, or even a yoga practitioner.But if I'd waited to start yoga until I "looked the part" -I'd never have started.***Why am I sharing all this? Because:I am trying to WREST the true nature of yoga away from the American fitspo culture chokehold.If you scroll the Instagram "yoga" tag (Instagram is currently the largest social media platform out there) - you'll see youthful, slim, mostly white, aspirationally-dressed and very athletic practitioners hitting difficult poses - usually showcased in elegant, pristine locations.The truth is...Yoga isn't like that.I mean SOME yoga will look like that - all tidy and slim and clean and wealthy or wealth-adjacent. And that's just fine.But...If you wait to have all those ducks in a row, you'll never start.And precisely WHO is getting cheated if you skip yoga until you "look like" a yoga practitioner?(Spoiler: YOU are getting cheated).Yoga is messy and goofy. Yoga we're practicing in a thousand-year old sports bra. Yoga we spy a hairball in the corner of the room as we're moving to chill in our ardha kapotasana. Yoga is arriving almost-late to class and feeling cranky and annoyed. Yoga is getting a bitchy attitude that someone else in class can do…

six ways to dismantle a fitspo mindset

One of the hardest things to dismantle when it comes to anything like physical exercise is a fitspo mindset. That includes a sort of defensiveness and self-consciousness about one's abilities (or lack thereof). We have been indoctrinated to feel bad about ourselves. Like if we eat two slices of cake (or three, or four, or the whole cake) we're a bad person. If we sit and watch ours of mindless telly instead of doing the dishes or going for a wlak, we're lazy. If we're not as disciplined or as put-together as someone else (seems to be), then they're a better person than us. This all leads us to feel rather sorry for ourselves and, sadly, SHRINK into ourselves a bit more.  Well I can't fix ANY of this for you but I can tell you I've fixed - or improved - a lot of this within myself. It took years. In my case, I had to learn, deep-down learn that I was going to love and treasure myself, NO MATTER WHAT. This is such hard work and also so much PATIENT and persistent work, I certainly don't have time to write it all out now! Here are six practices that might help you dismantle these kinds of fitspo attitudes.1. Recognize fitspo is real.It's going to be a lot easier to change how we feel if we recognize how much we're up against. Our entire culture and most of our familial culture values thinness, weight loss, youth, whiteness, those kinds of things. It's huge, it's massive, it's everywhere. If we acknowledge this presence and power we may appreciate our successes - however small they may seem - all the more.2. Ask yourself if you truly want to change.When we actively reject fitspo, we actively reject the fantasies that come with it. We also dismantle the fitspo privileges we have - if we are thin, able-bodied, white, young, cisgender. We still BENEFIT from those privileges, but we actively work to dismantle them. This is a lot of work. So ask yourself if you're ready! 3. Soften - and widen - your gaze.Fitspo encourages us to make it all about US. We are jealous, defensive, we start this strange self-absorbed cycle where we ruminate on all the wrongs and unfairnesses against us, and we stop SEEING the beauty and hard work that other people show up with. Fitspo wants us in this place - it doesn't want us to really LISTEN to and value others. 4. Mind your business!So speaking specifically about yoga. I had a teacher that used to say, "Mind your mat!" In other words, pay attention to YOUR mat and your body. Don't try to "copy" the instructor or other students, don't strain, don't compare. I love looking at the other practitioners who can do amazing things. Some of the things they can do... well maybe one day I can do them too! But sometimes it's pretty obvious I'll never do what they can do! (For reference: check out my friend thetysonedwards on Instagram!) I should not diminish other practitioners' beauty, joy…

do you feel like you aren’t good enough to deserve nice things

A lot of people won't commit to a contemplative or physical practice because they don't yet feel "good enough" to invest (time, money, energy).Let me explain:They aren't good at meditating, so they don't want to try.They are "out of shape", so they want to somehow first (magically) get "in shape" before they join the gym.They won't be as fit/strong/capable as others in the yoga class - so they stay away.I get it - I really do.***These days I am a daily yoga practitioner. But for many, many years I went in and out of practice. I'd sign up for month-long challenges, work my butt off, complete those challenges - then I'd take a break off the mat. One day turned into two days turned into three weeks turned into months.Don't get me wrong, I was more committed than most. For example: post-Covid we had precisely ONE weekly yoga class here in town and I was there, every week. Many weeks, I was the only student there. I shared about the class on Facebook and Instagram in hopes more would attend, because I knew it was unreasonable for the teacher to keep teaching with just one person there! Eventually she stopped. I am still so grateful for the time she gave me.But I digress.All this to say: the stop-and-start yoga approach is really, really typical.(And nothing to be ashamed of.)So what happened, to make me a daily practitioner? (And a daily meditator!)***In late 2021 I started really thinking over my desire to become a yoga teacher. I love yoga so much and my favorite thing about it, is the way we can share. I also have had a taste of a yoga community - and it's wonderful. I knew that if I took the training, I could start building that community.I also knew if I started teaching classes, I'd bring my A-game - and I'd actually practice more.I was right - about all of it.I hacked my own system - my drive to be consistent and quality in everything I do - because I knew I would commit to practice more deeply.***I also built the yoga practice I wish we had here in Grays Harbor. I longed for a consistent teacher who left fitspo and fatphobia at the door. I wanted a group that dedicated itself to all the teachings of yoga - instead of treating it like another workout modality. I didn't want anything to do with "wine yoga" or "beer yoga". And frankly, while yoga helps a great deal for physical strength and mobility - I didn't want a fitness-oriented approach.Yoga is so much bigger than that!What I wanted - and what I still experience, and what I bring to the mat - is for people to feel joy in their practice!When we feel joy in something we do, we are sure to return it.***I am proud to say every week so far, I've had at least one student in class. I wish I had a minimum of more…

“I don’t need props” – a different perspective

I believe in using props for yoga asana practice. If you are starting a home practice, the supplies I recommend are (in relative order): Comfortable, clean clothingA yoga matTwo yoga blocks (standard size of 4" by 4" by 9"), preferably foamA yoga blanket (or two) - any firm, throw-sized blanket will workA strap (non-stretch)A bolster (firm) If you have the above, you are well on the way to creating a safe, joyful practice! If you are short on funds and/or time resources, or you cannot find a friend to loan you these items - please know that really, any nonslip surface (including your carpeted floor) will work for yoga. But I want you to think about something. By even considering making yoga a part of your life, you are investing your most valuable resource - time. If you are willing to invest time, finding some funding is a way to respect that commitment. It is worth the time - and saving pennies, even - to invest in a mat and blocks. You can find both for under $25. Don't worry if they're not "top of the line". I didn't start with "top of the line" stuff - and by the way, I still mostly wear t-shirts and sweatpants to practice. *** Don't get too over-worried about props. There are loads of accoutrement for yoga! So if you've made a start on the basics above, you're doing well. Yoga has been around about 5,000 years! Unfortunately in America, yoga is often looked at as a workout, a fitness regime, or an extreme flexibility practice. Due to the Western colonization of yoga we've developed a distinctly white-washed, classist, fatphobic, culturally appropriative, ableist, Capitalist and FITSPO concept of yoga. I have a lot more to say about the above at some other time! But for now I will say: all of the above are problems. But when it comes to "I don't need props" - fitspo is probably the biggest obstacle. Fitspo transforms the practice of yoga into another workout in which we want to: demonstrate impressive-looking results to the class (or instructor), and/or achieve a certain look, physique, or series of abilities,  and/or compete with other students. Fitspo focusses on results like weight loss, or getting "smaller" - but fitspo may also focus on making your poses (called asana) LOOK good. And that's where people will refuse props, telling me they "don't need them". I see this all the time. I'll help lead a class into their version of a split - hanumanasana. I'll encourage them to use blocks under their front extended leg - as many blocks as they need to feel stable. I'll further encourage them to use blocks under their hands as well, so they can "rest" in a split - feeling a wonderful sensation without pain - and let gravity help them find ease and exhilaration in the asana. Inevitably, the student who told me they "don't need props" will be struggling to get their pelvis as low to…

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