Read more about the article “i won’t be as fit/strong/capable as others in class.”

“i won’t be as fit/strong/capable as others in class.”

Most yoga asana students compare themselves to others.It's okay, we all (most of us) do it!And I don't think we should judge ourselves at all, for comparing. This is a natural thing for humans to do. Comparison is part of how our brain works. We are social creatures!However, this tendency to compare and contrast can get dark fast. We end up with a strong or subtle experience of inferiority or superiority - and neither creates an emotionally healthy human being.There are a couple ways we can handle this.

how yoga has benefitted me, personally

I don't travel a whole heck of a lot, but the last few years I've been traveling more than typical. In fact the last week and a half I spent a lot of time in a car, on shuttles, trains, planes, a bus or two, and in the backseat of a few rideshares. Traveling like this means I'm around a lot of PEOPLE. Now - it has been trendy the last several years for people to talk about how they don't like people. Well, I like people the normal amount. I don't really have a problem with people. But it has to be said, I'm not used to *crowds*. And by traveling, I was in a lot of crowds. Amidst all this traveling I also had a pretty important (in my career anyway) presentation to deliver at a national conference. Between that, and the crowds, being away from my home and kitty cats, not to mention the wonderful Pacific Northwest... well let's just say, it was a lot! Once we got back from the conference, we just had a day to kind of settle in and then we were back on the road again - to round up family for my daughter's birthday. The happiest of reasons to travel but it was still - more travel. I want to point out that I did not get sick, I did not get fatigued, I did not get aches and pains - and I slept very well, through all of this. In fact considering the wear-and-tear physically, mentally, and emotionally I am doing very well. Which is great - because I had to get right back into my grad studies, as in immediately, the moment we got back home. I absolutely know that my sleep, my good health, and my generally low reactivity is due in large part to my yoga and meditation practices. Now, please don't think I'm *prescribing* yoga to anyone in particular. On the contrary, I'm testifying. I'm not saying YOU will get every benefit I have. But I will say that if you do make this time and apply yourself consistently, you are very likely to start receiving benefits. I am not a natural  proselytizer and I'm certainly not doing that here. But think about this from my perspective. I have tried so many things - medications (prescribed and not-so-prescribed), I've tried alcohol (coming up on 14 years' sobriety next month!), I've tried shopping, group therapy, individual counseling, talk therapy - I've tried all those things to help myself get more mental resilience, to be stronger and happier. And none of those things are in themselves bad. But yoga and meditation are, to put it bluntly - FREE. In a world that's being choked out by consumer capitalism, can we get an AMEN that there are resources available to us - no matter what? Yes, like most good things - it takes time to see benefits. ONE night of meditation or ONE yoga class isn't likely to provide profound,…

happy birthday Little Switch Yoga!

Today is the anniversary of the yoga project Little Switch Yoga!I launched last year with under $1,000 I'd painstakingly saved up to make a rent and deposit on our wonderful Vasa Hall space.In one year we've grown to three instructors, four regular weekly classes, three monthly specialized series (Plant Power Hour, which starts this upcoming Sunday - as well as LGBTQ+ and Friends Yoga, and Introduction to Mindfulness Meditation), and monthly pay-what-you-wish and free yoga events in the community.We've lowered blood pressure, improved sleep, strengthened physical health, provided a safer community space, and prevented many injuries.Little Switch has served 𝟏,𝟏𝟐𝟓.𝟓 𝐲𝐨𝐠𝐚 𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬 to the community, and partnered with Grays Harbor College, Grays Harbor Public Health, the Dispute Resolution Center of Grays Harbor and Pacific Counties, the Montesano School District, and the office of Veteran Affairs amongst other entities.Not one month has gone by without a free yoga event or outreach. These events in particular take a lot to plan and market, and despite many changes in my life (including becoming a fulltime graduate student) I've not lost pace once.Perhaps most important to me are the regular formal and informal testimonials I have received about improvements to physical health, mental health, emotional well-being, personal and community strength. I will share some of these testimonials below.Thank you Andrea and Rachel (the two other Little Switch instructors) - as well as our first planning committee of five who met on January 2nd this year.I also want to thank Members.Many people might not realize how difficult it is to survive - let alone build and run a project - as an out trans nonbinary person. Little Switch has definitely been excluded from some more mainstream business associations and medias because of my identity, and I think things are going to get worse.Rachel, Andrea, planning committee, and Members - YOU are the reason we've survived and thrived our first year!Despite formidable obstacles, Little Switch has performed very well in our first year. I will leave you with some testimonials from those who've taken part in our courses, classes, and events:"Having access to a group yoga space and the opportunity to share a yoga practice with others means that I practice more often and more fully than I would on my own. Since practicing (and teaching) at Little Switch, I've developed more physical strength and endurance, more flexibility, and have exercised my teaching skills. I'm hugely grateful to Little Switch for the opportunity to connect with a new community since moving to the area. It’s provided a sense of belonging and purpose in the midst of a disorienting move. Thank You Agni!"My anxiety is much better now and I noticed that not much gets me upset because I can now breathe and settle my thoughts before reacting. Physically it has lessened pain in more areas then I thought it would. This includes sciatica pain, shoulder pain, and heel pain which I had undergone a lot of doctor appointments. My body doesn't feel as stiff anymore also.…

consumer capitalism and the proud “bargain hunter”

In leading up to Green Friday - where you are invited to purchase less or abstain for buying altogether - I want to share some brief thoughts on consumer capitalism.I notice that even for a relatively minor purchase - like toothpaste or bread or coffee - people feel defensive and over-explain their purchase. "It's not cheap but I like to support small business" or "it costs a little more but ___ ".I'd like to suggest that we resist a defensive posture about so-called "expensive" purchases.First of all, for many products produced at a higher standard it's likely you are not buying an "expensive" version, you are buying a more fairly-priced version. Americans have been subsisting off artificially low prices for many years (and many of us are not getting paid our worth either). When we buy an "expensive" product or service but it is better quality, employs higher environmental standards, and/or pays workers and collaborators commensurate to their value, that is not an "expensive" item - it is a more fairly priced one.I think this is a part of consumer capitalism that has crept in, and not in a good way. We *all* have a budget to live within our means, this goes without saying. For some of us this is easier than others. But all of us bear some responsibility.No matter our social standing, with every purchase we freely make we have tacitly agreed to the terms. This means when we buy an inexpensive shirt for instance, we are agreeing to the terms of production (including work-slavery and negative environmental impacts). So if you are buying something "expensive" that is better for the environment, for the ecologies used to produce it, something that is less exploitive of human and non-human animals and the planet writ large - you should NEVER feel ashamed of that.You should be proud of that!Instead of saying, "It's a little more expensive but - " say, "I feel good about supporting these better business practices". LEARN about the business' practices and be ready to explain the value of their practices to others. Your choices and the ability to communicate the Why as to your choices, will influence others. Thus your impact is at least two-fold!We want ethical businesses to succeed, correct? We don't want all Amazon, Walmart, Target, more major corporations consolidating and leveraging power against us - right? While policy reform and indeed government reform will be needed to get us out of our current economic and climate crisis, we cannot sit idly by and wish for this to happen. We must help build and strengthen the providers who are running ethical projects and entrepreneurships.These leaders and entrepreneurs are creating better systems!We have more power than we might realize. My family buys a LOT less than many families in our class group, and this means we have more mental, emotional, and financial resources to invest in better products - better quality but also better for the environment.On a personal note I can say I feel good…

why weight loss compliments are harmful

A little while back one of my yoga students said to me, "Agni you're really getting skinny! You can really see the changes yoga has made for your body."   I am not going to address the content of that comment (because I don't have to) but I want to say this:   Voicing observations on people's body size and weight is inappropriate and almost always causes harm.   Please refrain from doing it. Full stop.   I am not saying you are a bad person if you've done this in the past, but I am still asking you to stop.   Now, I do understand that for many, complimenting weight loss seems like a good thing. In fact we've been culturally indoctrinated to believe weight loss is always a positive change, and that a weight loss compliment is kind of an ultimate compliment.   In the internet age especially, by pursuing weight loss **and posting about it**, one is sure to receive praise and social validation.   So if up until this time you've thought it was a harmless or even empowering thing - to compliment weight loss - you're not a bad person. It's literally how you were raised (culturally and probably within your family as well) and it's behavior that is still all-too common.   I get it.   And I have personal experience!   I grew up in a family of women who were always dieting (whatever name they called it) and men who made sure to praise thin women and carefully compliment women who "kept their figure". With one exception (my father), I never saw anyone in my family meaningfully speak out against fatphobia.   I'm so glad my father (a tall, thin cisgender white man) spoke out against this sort of thing because sometimes I think without his example, I would have fallen prey to diet culture in a catastrophic way.   Let that be a lesson to you:    When you resist fatphobia and diet culture, you could very well be throwing someone a lifeline!   ***   But back to the issue at hand:   Complimenting weight loss is reductive, shallow, and harmful to fat people or anyone else struggling with body image (which is like... a LOT of people).   If you truly care for the health and wellbeing of all - you'll learn to give different compliments.   Here are some things you can say instead, just off the top of my head:   "It's so good to see you!"   "You light up a room!"   "Can I just say - this is my favorite yoga class and I'm so glad to be here!"   "How are you?" (Then - really listen to the response)   "You are ICONIC."   "You always make me laugh."   "You have the most beautiful spirit! I want to be just like you when I grow up!"   "I learn so much from you!"   "I love your authenticity."   "You are such…

why a sliding scale business in grays harbor?

So as the only public sliding scale business on the Harbor I am definitely seeing some confusion as to why I'd even do this. And one person has criticized me sharply for operating this way. Let's clear the air, yes? It's time to get real. If all I did was offer a yoga space with a flat pricing fee, the price per class would be anywhere from the $20 - $30 you typically see per class. Realistically only certain members of the community could participate regularly. This would start shifting the community to sort of a status/elite arrangement. A clique, not a community. And in fact many yoga studios are a bit of a social club with a certain type of client. So people aren't just paying for yoga, they're paying to mix with their own class. I get it. It feels good, it feels comfortable. What's weird is I know if I did those things - if I created an atheltic-elite space - I'd succeed at getting the attendance I need and I'd make money and I could just be part of the gentrifying force that is creeping in to Grays Harbor. I'm not ever going to do that. Little Switch will fail and close, before I ever start to create that kind of space. ***One thing I've been learning is: some people really don't want to mix with "other types" of people. And the snobbery goes both ways by the way, not in whatever direction you''re assuming. It's a discouraging thought, but I"m a tenacious person I am going to hang on with my fingernails to the possibility that we can have an integrated community. Do I worry that Little Switch will fail? Absolutely. But understand me here: I am not worried about not being able to pay my space's rent. I am not worried about spending hours, days, weeks, months trying to build something - and having it fail. I'm pretty good at failing. I am REALLY worried about finding out that at the end of the day, Grays Harbor doesn't want to be an integrated community. I just don't want to learn that, if that's the truth. But if that's the truth, I'm going to have to learn it. I'm going to have to go through all that malarky to find out, and it's going to crush me a bit, and I'll crawl out of the muck like the grifty little cockroach I truly am. Are you wondering how you can help? The best way you can keep Little Switch going is to join as a Member - whether or not you plan to practice often, or at all. This best helps me know I can meet expenses, which lets me focus on quality programming. Membership also helps me BUILD MORE COMMUNITY OUTREACH, because I'm not hustling to pay the bills. The second-best way you can help, is to apply for a work scholarship - through that same Members link above. Please understand that Little Switch,…

ten reasons I hate flow (and why i’m teaching it anyway)

Yoga flow is so popular it might be THE most popular type of yoga class in America.However, I have my quibbles - which I'll share here!First: what is yoga flow?Yoga "flow" isn't very concretely or explicitly described in the mish-mash, hugley historied, highly varied body of yoga practice. But in general, most "flow" in yoga parlance means moving relatively fluidly from one asana (pose) to the next. This can be done slowly and in low-intensity poses or a class so vigorous and strenuous the practice begins to look like gymnastics. And of course - anything in between.In America, yoga "flow" is often associated with vigorous, sweaty, aerobic movements. It tends toward aerobics. There can be a very fitnessy tone to all of this - some classes pump up the volume with 120 bps pop hits and lots of "push yourselves!" languaging from instructors. That kind of thing.Here's why I've hated flow - and then I'll tell you why I've ended up offering it anyway:One: yoga flow isn't accessible.I dislike the broad-stroke use of "accessible" these days but, the point applies here.So let's take students who want a very swift moving, sweaty class where they get up and get down and all that. Your average flow student.Well, those activities are prohibitive to many, many practitioners.You could INVITE anyone at all to such a class and tell them to rest when they need to - but they are likely going to feel left out, frustrated, or even embarassed.I know what you're thinking: "Oh, just design an accessible flow." But no - you can't just slap the word "accessible" on a class and make it so.A sweaty, fast, athletic flow and a truly accessible class - where everyone has the time, care, and attention to succeed in each asana - are just diametrically opposed. End of story.Two: flow sacrifices alignment.This is deeper and more subtle than you might thinking. Let's take pristhasana - lizard pose. In lizard pose we come into a deep lunge with our hands on the inside of the forward leg. Back leg can either be lifted, or knee-down.In lizard many people think the goal is to get their forearms to the ground. So this means they will let the knee travel well past the foot to get that front thigh and hip lower, or they'll let the forward leg fall open for the same effect.Some teachers would call that "cheating" the pose but I think that's a crummy thing to say.It isn't that it's "wrong" to let the knee travel, or to let the hip open so you can get foreamrs closer to teh ground. It's just a really different benefit and strength exercise than if you're setting up pristhasana in a more traditional way. Keeping the knee in alignment and welding the front shin to the front arm is very hard work - but it's beautiful work for the thighs and pelvic floor.In a slower class, there are opportunities to gently remind students of these possible elements. In…

fitspo has gotta go. here’s why:

Toxic fitness culture or “fitspo”, contrary to popular belief, doesn’t inspire us to do better, be better, or even to take care of ourselves.It instead invites us into harmful hierarchies.Fitspo encourages us to constantly measure ourselves against the “ideal” - thin, athletic (or strong), white (or aligned with Whiteness), young, able-bodied, depoliticized - and affluent or wealth-adjacent.Fitspo can be seductive, because who doesn't want to be part of the in-crowd? This is all the true if you’re in one or more of the classes invited into the (temporary) rewards - if you’re young, thin, athletic/strong, wealth-adjacent, etc. If you fit into the fitspo metric at any time of your life, it's hard to voluntarily relinquish it's hold.Fitspo does more harm than can be summed up in a blog post. One of the worst things fitspo does, is encourage us to purchase experiences rather than commit to constructive personal and communal health practices. We become self-absorbed by our own bodies, our own abilities, our CrossFit identity - what-have-you. We lose sight that we are interconnected. We stop looking around the room to ask - Who isn't here, and why? Who is not feeling welcome - and why?Fitspo is one reason people and other marginalized individuals stay away from gyms and exercise classes - whether they want to attend or not, they feel distinctly unwelcome. And why wouldn’t they? They’ve been told their whole lives they are less-than, lacking - or even disgusting.This has to change.More harmful still, fitspo is the reason that even if people allow themselves a movement or physical practice - they strain, push themselves, and try to “get the most out of it”.That striving becomes habituated and soon people come to loathe physical exercise.***I once saw an influencer ask, “Would you be so excited about ‘clean eating’ and your workouts if you weren’t allowed to publicly post about them?”Because fitspo is not just hierarchal - it is performative.That is some weak shit. It will let you down.Fitspo is everywhere around us - and enforced by white supremacy and capitalism - but it’s also astonishingly easy to dismantle.You can invest in something a lot deeper. Over time, fitspo becomes more and more irrelevant in your day-to-day. You are then far more likely to take even better care of your mind, your body – and start doing deeper work in your community.Each of us has the power - and the responsibility - to overthrow fitspo. You can start small, if it’s too scary to start big!It's a wonderful upgrade!I believe in you.***More: "fitspo: what is it, and why does it matter?" (also note the tag "yoga" yields almost all physical/asana work - no mention of ethics, social observances, pranayama, philosophy, or history. But those are topics for another day!)Who is welcome, in the fitspo world?Youthful, slim, athletic (strong), racially and socioeconomically statused individuals are seen as more worthy and more desirable than their counterparts.Fitspo ties in with our race, our age, our body shape and size, our socioeconomic class. You…

fitspo: what is it, and why does it matter?

This month I'm going to be writing about toxic fitness culture - what I call fitspo. It's important, and hopefully by the end of the post you'll agree with me.What is fitspo?The moniker "fitspo" comes from the instagram tag for "fitness inspiration". Another interchangeable phrase: toxic fitness culture."Fitness" and even "wellness" in America generally means:slimable-bodied (or "inspirationally" disabled)youthfulathletic/strongwhite and/or light-skinneda "positive mindset"affluent or giving the appearance of wealth and easeA simple "yoga" tag search for on Instagram, currently our largest social media platform, is illuminating (notice - even the illustrations are skinny!): (also note the tag "yoga" yields almost all physical/asana work - no mention of ethics, social observances, pranayama, philosophy, or history. But those are topics for another day!)Who is welcome, in the fitspo world?Youthful, slim, athletic (strong), racially and socioeconomically statused individuals are seen as more worthy and more desirable than their counterparts.Fitspo ties in with our race, our age, our body shape and size, our socioeconomic class. You can't really separate fitspo from patriarchal and white supremacist constructs.But perhaps more than anything else, fitspo incorporates and supports ableism.What is ableism?Ableism places "well" bodies, "healthy" bodies, and able-bodied individuals as morally, ethically, and pedagogically superior to sick, unhealthy, or disabled individuals.I don't need to be a disabilities scholar to spell this one out.We all know ableism is real, if we are honest.If we haven't felt ableism's sting - well, that is probably because we've been operating from our own little bubble. If we haven't been excluded or maligned, that's because we fit in, in some way or other.For instance I'm white; most fitness influencers you see out there, certainly the ones who get acclaim and book deals et cetera - most of them are white. So my entire life, I've been in the "in crowd" - at least with regards to race - in the fitness and fitspo world.I am also able-bodied (at this time in my life) - so again, experiences like mine are spotlighted and held up as the "norm".In other ways, I don't fit in so much. I'm old (at least according to the fitness world) and I'm fat, so in that sense I'm definitely sidelined. (I happen to currently be very strong and bendy - but most people don't expect that, just by looking at me). I'm nonbinary, and boy oh boy are we excluded from discourse - everywhere!It should go without saying: we shouldn't have to be young, fit, thin - any of those things - to be included, welcomed, and supported in the physical movements space.Aren't you making a big deal of nothing? Isn't it a good thing, to want to be in shape?Sure! Kinda.There is nothing wrong with working to be stronger, more mobile, and have more energy reserves. There is nothing inherently wrong with a workout!In fact for the vast majority of human bodies, movement practice is recommended. But be careful.Fitspo can still sidetrack you - even if you have the best of intentions!Because remember: fitspo is above all about hierarchy, and…

“I’m too old / fat / out of shape for yoga”

This last week - for the first time in my life - my feet lifted off the floor in the very tricky arm balance bakasana (or crow pose).I am almost half a century old and a couple weeks ago - for the first time in my life! - I conquered that fear of falling on my face, and I had patiently gained the strength and core integrity to balance on my hands.This is more impressive than you might realize!It is a lot harder as an adult to learn new physical skills or feats of strength - than it is to return to habits of childhood!I didn't grow up with any gymnastics, calisthenics, or attendant practice. When you see me doing what I can do - I had to earn that in adulthood, after decades of life, after giving birth to two children, and while living as a working class artist (meaning: life is hard!)The hanumanasana (front splits) you see me chilling into, in class - well you are seeing me do something I've never done before.I had to get there with these weathered bones and aged muscles! LOLAnother thing:You also might have noticed I am fat. It's true!And -It has to be said I don't dress like a "yoga teacher". I am not in fashionable leggings and a cute sports top. Half the time my hair gets in the way as we flow and I'm always trying to tie and push it back.It's not that I don't take pride in how I dress, it's that I have had to carefully allocate yoga funds to building the space. I've put retained yoga earnings into shelving, rent, security deposit, insurance, licensure etc etc. And that's okay - because I made these priorities with intention.Here's what I mean, though:It's true I don't look like a yoga teacher, or even a yoga practitioner.But if I'd waited to start yoga until I "looked the part" -I'd never have started.***Why am I sharing all this? Because:I am trying to WREST the true nature of yoga away from the American fitspo culture chokehold.If you scroll the Instagram "yoga" tag (Instagram is currently the largest social media platform out there) - you'll see youthful, slim, mostly white, aspirationally-dressed and very athletic practitioners hitting difficult poses - usually showcased in elegant, pristine locations.The truth is...Yoga isn't like that.I mean SOME yoga will look like that - all tidy and slim and clean and wealthy or wealth-adjacent. And that's just fine.But...If you wait to have all those ducks in a row, you'll never start.And precisely WHO is getting cheated if you skip yoga until you "look like" a yoga practitioner?(Spoiler: YOU are getting cheated).Yoga is messy and goofy. Yoga we're practicing in a thousand-year old sports bra. Yoga we spy a hairball in the corner of the room as we're moving to chill in our ardha kapotasana. Yoga is arriving almost-late to class and feeling cranky and annoyed. Yoga is getting a bitchy attitude that someone else in class can do…

End of content

No more pages to load

Older Posts