mean girls (or boys, etc) don’t belong in yoga

I’ve been practicing yoga about twenty-one years. I’m an old hat.

I’ve been to lots of classes – hundreds. And I’ve seen all kinds of behaviors from students and teachers alike!

But two of the worst behaviors I’ve seen, I re-experienced rather recently:

Snobbery and exclusion.

Yes, I attended a class where the instructor and the regulars didn’t make eye contact, ignored my presence, and rebuffed my general friendliness.

As practiced as I am – and as good as I am at finding joy on the mat – I left feeling dispirited and unwelcome.

So.

Here’s the thing!

Social engagements are tricky. What someone might experience as snobbery from a class regular could be a regular who is shy, uncomfortable with new people – that kind of thing. So even with my recent unsavory experience, I’m keeping an open mind. Gee I sure FELT unwelcomed, but perhaps I misread the vibe.

But yes – it goes without saying there ARE people – including instructors – who are simply unwelcoming. They’re not likely to be reading this post and they’re not likely wanting to change.

I’m not here trying to change THEM.

I’m trying to help US build a better yoga community!

So here are some actions we can take to make sure we aren’t a yoga “mean girl” (/boy/genderqueer person, etc).

Learn about the specific purpose (and/or level) of the class.

Even terms like “beginner”, “intermediate” and “advanced” are hard for a new practitioner to interpret. So as a class regular, your job is to understand and, when you represent the class (for instance, sharing on social media) to describe the class accurately.

If you’re a student in a class, take note of the class itself – which starts with the instructor. What is the instructor’s vibe, attitude? Are they hushed and reverent? Are they feathery and New Agey? Are they athletic and aggressive? Are they strong, gorgeous, witty, urbane and playful? (that last one’s me!)

As an example: my Sunday group class is listed as “for all bodies”. This means ALL bodies are welcome as I can accommodate anyone who shows up with a pulse. (And if I have trouble, you know I will research and do better next time!). So for instance in my class if a student can’t or doesn’t want to attempt an asana, I include them verbally, with optional instruction, and I include them physically by mirroring their body.

Take note of the class accommodations and setting. Is the environment a calm one (private and peaceful), or a fairly active one (say, in a gym)? Are yoga props not only used but encouraged? Does the instructor have a plan – or do they wing it? Is the class an active, strengthening one – or more down-regulating? Does the class include meditations, chanting, or readings?

The sooner you as a student begin to pay attention to the different types of yoga classes, the better you can represent and (if need be) orient new attendees.

Remember: new people are intimidated.

If you’ve been practicing a while you probably know that yoga is not all that intimidating. The teacher could be up front in some kind of obscenely difficult one-finger handstand wearing posh yoga fashion and heck who gives a shit, you’re allowed to chill out in child’s pose in your tattered sweatpants. (If you’ve learned this lesson… you’ve mastered a BIG part of yoga!)

But… remember, newbies have probably been conditioned their whole lives to compare: to think of someone else as “better” or “more fit” or “advanced”.

In fact newbies – and not-so-newbies – are often straining to copy an instructor’s shape rather than really FEEL into the asana. I have to work to deprogram this behavior, all the time! And I am sad to say some people never stop straining – even in yoga class. It’s a sad reality.

Now realistically, we can’t change fitspo attitudes in a single hour together – no matter how welcoming we are and no matter what we say. But we can stay mindful that there are some in the room who are experiencing frustration, intimidation, confusion – even shame. Hold space for them by BEING on your mat and doing your best to stay connected to your breath and body, moment by moment.

Greet people!

After your first class with a new instructor or location you are now charged to be a greeter. When new people show up – simply look at them and say, “Hello!” That’s it. That’s the job. 

It makes a huge difference!

If you can: remember names – and use them.

I try VERY hard to remember names, and I try to use them. Greeting a student with “It’s good to see you, Clark” on his second class – it makes a huge impression. I know EXACTLY how it feels to have been noticed, and named, and welcomed. It’s wonderful.

Smiling works too, if you’re feeling it. Don’t force a smile but if you find one arriving – let it fly!

Avoid cliqueish behavior.

This is something we should remind ourselves of regularly.

It is natural that as we come to know one another we look forward to seeing one another weekly (or daily, or whatever). It can be REALLY easy for the student regular AND the instructor to lapse into social chit-chat at the beginning of class, either vivacious or heated or animated or simply, in-depth in some way not accessible to a new person. This is NATURAL and this means we are feeling connected to one another.

However I guarantee that ninety percent of new attendees won’t appreciate this. If they walk in and feel like everyone knows eachother already (even if that’s not true), this can create a chilling effect.

Remember this too at the end of class: gently returning to social conversation is fine. But cannonballing into an animated, complex or highly-involved insider discussion is less than welcoming for new students.

Yoga is a social activity but it’s not a social club. Engage cautiously with studios and instructors that try to create a social club over a welcoming and grounded yoga practice.

Most important: invest in your own practice

Are YOU still comparing, pushing yourself, trying to get “fit” or get toned abs or lose weight on the mat?

Let’s dismantle that!

Listen I’m not the boss but I can tell you: all the above, THAT’S NOT YOGA.

What is yoga? Well I am neither qualified nor educated enough to give you a definitive answer (spoiler alert: no single human being could!) – BUT I can tell you one thing: yoga isn’t about abs, fitness, mastering a cool pose and taking a slick picture. One thing yoga IS about is unifying breath and body, learning to love and cherish the breath and body, finding more stability and peace, and finding a lot more playfulness and joy. Life is very very beautiful and a dedicated yoga practice can help you find this.

So invest in your OWN practice. Find that breath, and body, and joy and playfulness! If you want other people to invest in yoga, make sure you’re investing your best self.

Community comes and goes, waxes and wanes. If you find yourself fortunate to have a good leader, instructor or student – do your part to create an inclusive community.

You’ll miss it if it disappears!

Read more about the article i am not a “good vibes only” yoga teacher
Kelly Hogaboom of Little Switch Yoga, Grays Harbor Aberdeen, WA

i am not a “good vibes only” yoga teacher

Kelly Hogaboom of Little Switch Yoga, Grays Harbor Aberdeen, WA

I’ve been wading through the Americanized versions of yoga and there’s something that bugs me.

Okay there’s more than one thing.

But here’s a start:

The “good vibes only” yoga messaging is just terrible.

And it really, really is EVERYWHERE.

First of all – the “no negative energy, please” messaging is not based on yoga’s history.

There’s nothing in the 5,000 year old practices of yoga emphasizing “good vibes only” enough to where you’d sloganize it on a t-shirt.

The Eight Limbs of Yoga start us with the Yamas and Niyamas – that is, spiritual practices and personal observances respectively.

These are as follows:

The Yamas
Ahimsa (non-violence)
Satya (truthfulness)
Asteya (non-stealing)
Brahmacharya (moderation of the senses/our energy), and
Aparigraha (non-greed) – 

The yamas teach us how to behave in an ethical framing – how to conduct ourselves in the world.

The Niyamas
Saucha 
(cleanliness or purity)
Santosa
 (contentment)
Tapas
 (discipline)
Svadhyaya
 (self-study)
Ishvara Pranidhana
 (surrender to the Higher Self)

The niyamas invite us to find joy and strength in our personal practices – our inner disciplines.

So right away we have our first two limbs of yoga and TEN practices we can study –

and there’s no mention of or tone implying “good vibes only”.

If anything, the yamas and niyamas indicate disciplines and practices to employ – regardless of whether we’re feeling groovy about it or not.

So to be honest I am not sure where all the “good vibes only” came form, but I’ll tell you one thing:

Your bad vibes are welcome in your practice.

Your bad vibes are welcome in my studio space!

I don’t want you to avoid class – or practice at home – because you’re in a “bad vibes’ place, and can’t snap out of it.

I want you to practice regularly and learn to let your “bad vibes” show up too – maybe you can start to (gasp!) make friends with those bad vibes!

The thing is…

If we only practice yoga when we feel good, then we’re going to skip a lot of practice.

And if we only practice yoga to instantly get some kind of result – we’ll give up when we don’t get what we want.

If we only practice yoga to change how our body looks or what impressive bendy shapes we can make – we’ll give up there, too, when progress doesn’t happen the way we want to, or as fast as we want to.

If we only practice yoga to lose weight or get those toned abs – 

we are not only being a fair-weather friend to yoga,

we are being a fair-weather friend to ourselves.

I invite you to be a best friend to yourself.

It’s a really smart investment, relationship-wise!

why I don’t say “namaste” at the end of class

I don’t say “namaste” at the close of class. 

This is a deliberate choice on my part, and here are some reasons why:

1. Many South Asians object to this, or at the very least find it annoying; because:

2. “Namaste” doesn’t mean what many white American yoga teachers say it means: The Light Within Me Honors The Light Within You“. It actually means something more like, “greetings to you”, or even “‘sup?”

3. “Namaste” has been over-commercialized and, frankly, bastardized. You may have noticed all the t-shirts and yoga bags out there – MANUFACTURED IN THE GLOBAL SOUTH IN SWEATSHOPS, MIND YOU – cultivating a “spiritual gangster” or a groovy “yoga chic” message. That is not for me.

4. If I’m going to teach yoga, all eight limbs of yoga, and lead my students through this learning journey then I think we owe it to the practice to deepen our understanding wherever we can.

I don’t say “namaste” at the close of class.

I do say “Om Namah Shivaya” and I invite you to join me!

But you can say anything you like at the end of class – for instance, you could simply say “thank you!” – or you can refrain from speaking and bowing.

Please do what feels comfortable.

Remember, I am here to provide space, safety, nurture and care!

(and of course, share some of my yoga education!)

Thank you for listening!

yoga didn’t heal my body image, but teaching yoga did

Goddess pose, Little Switch Yoga Aberdeen Washington

I didn’t want to write a post about my body image – ever, really! – but here we are.

My terms of reluctance are legion: first, the cultural conversation seems over-saturated, often surface-level, full of the same platitudes and (increasingly) commercialized languaging.

Secondly, as a white American voices like mine are over-represented in health and wellness spaces. Why should I add my thoughts? Who would be interested in hearing them, anyway?

But it goes deeper than that.

I’m tired of the body image conversation. 

A conversation I haven’t even dipped my toe in!

I’m tired.

Let’s be real: I’m exhausted from watching the Diet and Wellness Industrial Complex shoehorn the sacred constructs of self-care and self-love into programs selling weight-loss subscriptions, quack remedies, diet programs and foodstuffs, and flat tummy teas.

In fact the other day Facebook so kindly showed me a fat loss ad using the phraseology: “I’ve learned my inability to release weight is a trauma response.”

Reader, that headline alone made me feel D-O-N-E.

Nothing more disgusting than telling a trauma victim it’s their own fault they can’t be smaller.

***

But here’s the thing.

Under Capitalism – and its little red rover buddies White Supremacy and the Patriarchy – all our bodies are under assault, being sold and sold to, up for grabs. All human and non-human animals are served up, sliced and diced (for billions, literally), commodified in every way and marketed to relentlessly.

Now: I didn’t set that up.

But I have to survive it.

And so do you!

And just because I’m Tired –

Doesn’t mean I have nothing of value to add.

I deserve to have my say, in the chance maybe – just maybe – I could help someone reading here.

Because I know my interests and my goals are far more wholesome than those of Capitalism.

***

Some day I’ll tell my story of what I am up against.

What it was like growing up in my maternal family lineage – surrounded by the women who sang duets and trios with one another about how they needed to lose weight, or how they were “bad” for eating that cheesecake, or how their asses were too fat and their features too unlovely –

and the men who encouraged these women to care about this stuff. The men (including my beloved Grandfather) who wanted these women to make themselves smaller, the men who took pains to compliment women when they shrank (physically or socially).

Some day I’ll tell my story what it was like growing up, crammed into the wrong gender. Because if you think you know how it feels to have your body shape and size policed, growing up trans is a whole ‘nother Level. My whole childhood it was “girls” or “boys” and which one was I, har har. I was complimented for any “femininity” of figure and form – I was never given space for my own gender autonomy. “Look at you here,” my mother says to me, jabbing a finger at a photo of me on the dock, at the lake. I’m thirteen, here. “You’ve a wasp waist,” she flushes, beaming with pride.

No, I didn’t.

I did not, and have never, had a wasp waist.

Nor did I want or need one.

This was my mother’s jam: she wanted to eat up my mind, my body to serve her own dreams.

I grew up in this battlefield, to say nothing of the larger culture in which I was indoctrinated.

It wasn’t healthy – to put it mildly.

***

I’ve practiced yoga twenty one years.

And practicing yoga didn’t change my mind about my body very much.

I didn’t suddenly start experiencing an empowered nonbinary state. I didn’t lose weight – or any of those weight loss-attendant dreams so many chase! I didn’t achieve that body, those accomplishments that had been sold to me my whole life.

None of that happened.

Now yoga didn’t change my MIND about my body –

but it certainly changed my body itself!

Because it’s impossible to practice yoga regularly and properly (properly: don’t push yourself and listen to your body!) without change.

When you practice, you get stronger.

And so did I.

So in those early years I was creaky. I felt a pain behind my knee when I’d practice trikonasana, shortness of breath when I held ananda balasana. I couldn’t hold myself up in a plank for more than a few breath cycles – trembling and (silently) cursing the teacher! And headstand, handstand? No way!

That pain is long gone. That body is stronger, more flexible, more mobile.

I really do feel better!

I can do things today (at forty-six) I couldn’t even do as a child.

And it wasn’t just my body that began to change.

I also began to experience more peace of mind, more honest endorphins, an hour at least of less self-absorption, less anxiety, less obsession.

I’ve always felt better after getting off the mat. Always!

***

Oddly though, my changing body and mind didn’t make me love my body more.

I still felt the same – really, as I had all my life.

And while I’d rejected the more harmful familial and cultural narratives – I still hadn’t formed my own.

Until.

***

Teaching gave me a breakthrough.

Now listen: teaching yoga is an impressive skillset. And while I’m pretty new, I take it seriously.

First, I had to acquire (and continue to deepen) a yoga education – we’re talking about studying a multitude of traditions 5,000 years old!

Second, I had to learn how to actually practice asana – as well as the other seven limbs of yoga: the yamas, niyamas, pranayama, pratyahara, dharana, dhyana, and samadhi – and begin to transmit this knowledge to students.

Then I had to get in front of a class and demonstrate how to move through practice. I have to run physical practice and provide verbal cues all while watching my students and adjusting my teaching style and aims depending on what I observe.

I’ve gotta deal with the practical aspects of running a business. Even though I’m not yet making a wage – I still have to show up as a professional (and that’s fair)!

Now: there are plenty of yoga teachers who get to a degree of competency here, and can end up on autopilot pretty fast.

But if you know me, you know I’ve never been on autopilot a moment of my life!

***

In my first few weeks of teaching regularly, I had the benefit of a huge studio mirror in the space we worked.

I had the privilege of seeing my body – clear as day! – in a multitude of asana, contortions, silly little sweaty shapes.

I got to see my body how it really is, and WHILE my body was being observed by others.

We’re talking: trembling limbs, shaky voice (at times), saying “left” when I meant “right”. We’re talking having my physical form on display for an hour straight to a room of people – sometimes, complete strangers!

I lost the anonymity of the mat – because all eyes were now on me!

And it didn’t take long for what remained of my reservations about my body, to burn right out of my body.

In a deep revolved lunge, to see my t-shirt cling to every fat roll on my back and to my sweaty face in the mirror and – to be forced to see it, and to know everyone else was looking too.

But –

Honestly, it was only a little bit jarring at first. 

In fact I felt a great friendliness with myself, in a way I hadn’t ever before!

I had work to do, after all. And I was doing it!

Because just like my students look beautiful when they’re exerting Right Effort in asana

So do I!

Because Right Effort is beautiful.

Always.

And Right Effort almost never, ever looks like the heavily-doctored, artfully posed moments in a glossy yoga magazine or brochure.

Since I see yoga as beautiful, I see myself in practice – not my idea or imaginings of self, but my actual Self – as beautiful.

And since I see myself that way on the regular now,

I’ve changed.

The way I feel about myself, has changed.

***

Listen, I’m as surprised as anyone that this developed out of teaching.

Like I said: I practiced two decades without my body image budging an inch.

So I’d long ago given up the idea I could really change it.

But: it changed.

And it continues to change!

I love teaching. So much!

The practice is also neither a competition, or a series of pretty shapes to make or strain towards.

The Practice is there for us every minute of every day. 

If you can breathe, you can do yoga!

And I sincerely hope to get more people to see it the way I do.

They might be surprised to discover how they see themselves, over time.

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